It's Go Time, Kids. This Video Is Strictly Business.
My brother is in town from New York. We've been pretty busy.
alan.bradford |
super sweet moves |
My brother is in town from New York. We've been pretty busy.
I'm not sure if I should be offended or concerned. Everyone reading this is encouraged to help me out by leaving a comment below.
My mother-in-law, bless her red-headed soul, loves to pass along information via electronic mail. Over the years, I have been notified of freeway closures, community events, and cancer-causing food products. I have also chuckled at pictures of redneck weddings, scoffed at questionnaires that predict my "real age," and belly-laughed at videos involving family pictures and dancing elves.
Yesterday she sent me a link to a health-related story. The headline reads:
Night Sweats in Middle-Aged Man: His cheesy-smelling sweat (link)
Granted, I am not middle-aged. But I have been known to sweat. And I have also been known to fancy myself a string cheese snack. I also consumed two cheese crisps before retiring to my bed last night.
In rapid-fire retaliation, I blasted off a response to her link:
I don't know why you would have sent this to me. My night sweats smell of lavender and honeycomb. My day sweats smell of jasmine and cherry blossom.
It felt good to stand up for my pristine odor. But now I'm having second thoughts.
Maybe there's a reason nobody sits next to me in biology class.
Help.
No, I'm not talking about saving the environment, or saving the princess. I'm talking about skin tone. After going out to eat on Saturday night, my brother and his wife took us to the zoo Howie's Game Shack.
If you're into this sort of thing, then more power to you. If you're into actually socializing and perhaps adding some physical activity to your life, then stay away. The ominous green lighting turned us all into the incredible hulk for a few minutes.
This place had everything any gamer could ever want: comfortable chairs, a variety of vending machines*, air conditioning, the support of fellow gamers. Also, as an added bonus, it was packed, wall-to-wall with attractive ladies who were eager to start a long-term relationship with someone who just purchased a $15 all-day pass to play video games.
That's what you call a win-win-high-score situation.
*The vending machine was filled with a cornucopia of high-fat deliciousness, but featured a backdrop image of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
Amazing physical stamina. Perfectly spaced-apart teeth. The voracity of a elderly nursing home resident on Free Pudding Cup Day. Killer dance moves. Insatiable appetite for egg nog. Succinct. Potent. Good for you. High in fiber. Low in trans fats. The party portion of a mullet. Keen sense of hearing. Lousy sense of smell. Simultaneously timeless and punctual. Your new best friend from way back when.
