Queen Creek, Arizona - After suffering through several scorching summers, Alan Bradford, 28, made a public announcement today that has shocked the community. He is leaving his wife of seven years for a water bottle. Not just any water bottle. A 24-ounce BPA free water bottle with autoseal lid and caribiner clip. (Get yours at Amazon
)
Manufactured by
Contigo, this water bottle can also slice potatoes, speak Mandarin Chinese with a British accent, and upload videos directly to YouTube.
Harvey Levin is heading up the legal team for this high-profile case. At the time of this writing, it is believed that Bradford is attempting the first ever marriage to a water bottle.
It is unsure how this story will end. In addition to family turmoil, Bradford's actions have caused a commotion with local religious leaders. Bradford belongs to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, often referred to in the media as the Mormon or LDS Church. As recent media attention has made clear, the LDS Church promotes marriage solely between a man and woman. This conservative stance has caused considerable media buzz in recent weeks, stemming from an incident in July when a gay couple was detained on Church property for kissing. (
Full story here).
Although it is understood that same-sex marriage is not endorsed, it is unclear whether the LDS Church will tolerate a marriage between man and water bottle. Church officials were unavailable for comment.
When asked if he truly intends to pursue his plans, Bradford was firm.
"I'm positive that if anyone out there simply tries this water bottle, they will see my side. It's not really as weird as it sounds. I just want to be with someone who doesn't leak all over my car, you know? Someone who I can clip my keys onto at the gym. Someone who doesn't get all worked up when I push their buttons. I know I'm making the right choice."
Initial courtroom proceedings are scheduled for the end of August. It has been requested that all media questions be directed to Harvey Levin via his Twitter account:
@harveylevinTMZ.
