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alan.bradford

super sweet moves

Getting Old is the Pits

It's official: I am an old fart. I may as well check into a nursing home and have someone pre-chew my food for me, and change my diapers. It's 11:30 pm on New Years' Eve, and I'm going to bed. My day has been spent inside my home, except for the few minutes it took me to run down to the mail box. I watched way too much TV, ate some popcorn, did some laundry, ate some more popcorn, read some emails, ate pizza and sugar-free licorice, got gas from the pizza, popcorn, and sugar-free licorice, and tended to the needs of my sick wife.

If that weren't enough excitement for 24 hours, I also found a website with a downloadable pattern to sew my own Snuggie instead of paying the excessive $19.95 plus $7.95 shipping and handling. For those of you not keen to the latest "As Seen on TV" sensation that is sweeping the nation, here is a video to whet your appetite for comfort that knows no bounderies:



Some say that this is a direct ripoff of The Slanket. I'll let you be the judge:



I don't care who invented it. I just know I need one. I need to look like a Benedictine Monk while watching Matlock, The Price is Right, and Wheel of Fortune. I need something to cover my arms when I am roasting marshmallows with the neighborhood youngsters. But mostly I need it because I'm feeling a draft, and I can't afford to turn the heat on until my next Social Security check arrives.

Good night, 2008.

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Filed under  //   2008   old   Slanket   Snuggie   TV  
Posted December 31, 2008
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Waiting It Out and Other Theme Park Annoyances

We recently returned from two days in the "happiest place on earth." For a mere $143 per person, we enjoyed two days of park hopping, churro eating, parade watching, merry-go-round riding, and - most notably - line waiting. The majority of our time was spent waiting.

We waited in bathroom lines. Food lines. Ride lines. Traffic lanes. We waited for shuttles. We waited for Parades. We waited with foxes inside of boxes. Most of the time it did not bother us to wait. We were in good company and equally good spirits.

There were a few times when it was almost unbearable. These usually occurred toward the end of the day or when our collective blood sugar dropped between semi-satisfying meals from the staggering array of Magic Kingdom Eats. The weather cooperated for the most part. Although there was no snow, it was still way too cold for this 155-pound computer nerd from Arizona.

My brother is five months away from graduation. He completed his undergraduate studies at Brigham Young University with a degree in accounting a few years ago. Because that was not stimulating enough for the left side of his brain, he decided to pursue an MBA in Supply Chain Management at Arizona State University after taking a break to work in New York. (Side note: If you're looking for an incredibly talented, pulsating brain attached to a soft-spoken, 6' 4", freckle-faced redhead with a crazy sense of humor, you should seriously consider hiring him before someone else does.) (Seriously.) (Do it.) (Here's a link to his Facebook Profile.) (Why are you still reading my blog?) (Don't you want to introduce yourself to your new star employee?)

About a year ago, this pulsating-brain-brother gave me a copy of a Harvard Business School paper entitled The Psychology of Waiting Lines. (The author, David Maister, has made the full text available on his website or as a PDF download.) I found this paper while organizing all my papers from last semester, and I wish I would have read it before we went to Disneyland to wait in all those lines.

Maister writes about what he calls the First and Second Laws of Service, as well as 8 Principles of Waiting. I won't get into all of the nitty-gritty, but if you're into this sort of thing you should definitely go read the entire paper. From personal experience, Maister is [insert British accent] spot on [end British accent] with his observations and conclusions.

One observation specifically mentioned Disneyland and their sneaky tactics to keep waiting lines happy. It has to do with Maister's first Principle of Waiting: Unoccupied Time Feels Longer than Occupied Time. This segment is included in the Harvard Business School version of the paper, but appears to be omitted in the version on Maister's website. (Reader: "Hey Alan! How can something appear to be omitted? If it's omitted, doesn't that mean you can't see it?" Alan: "Hey Reader! Shut up and read, will you? If your name is Reader, shouldn't you be reading instead of asking questions?" Reader: "Touché.") Maister writes:

The sense of movement can be seen at Disneyland, where the length of the line for a given ride is often "disguised" by bending it around corners so that the customer cannot judge the total length of the line. Because the rate at which Disney can load people onto the rides, the actual wait is not that long. However, the sight of a large number of people waiting might make it seem long. By focusing the customers' attention on the rate of progress rather that the length of the line, the waiting experience is enhanced.

While I cannot confirm that Disney himself ever loaded someone onto a ride, I can confirm that the lines at Disneyland bend more than a beginner yoga class at the local YMCA. The slightest movement by someone 150 feet ahead of you causes a ripple movement around the snakey line which ensures a constant feeling that you're inching closer to your final destination. The fact that the line wraps around the corner 53 times gives you the false hope that "we're almost there! I can smell it!"

Sorry. You're not almost there. And that isn't the ride you're smelling.

It's a churro. And that will be $7, m'am.

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Filed under  //   anxiety   churro   Disneyland   lines   waiting  
Posted December 30, 2008
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Thank You For All The Support!

We're back in town from our Christmas trip to Disneyland. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out to help our neighbors who recently had their house burn. There have been several generous donations of both time and money.
 
As of last night, there has been over $250 donated through the PayPal page I set up. I will be giving this to the family soon. I will continue to keep this page open. Any donation will be much appreciated. If you got an ugly sweater for Christmas or Hanukkah, just return it and donate the money. You'll feel better about yourself and your neck won't itch.
 
According to the owners renting out the home, the Jessen family will be in a hotel until Wednesday. I should be hearing from the owners to let me know how long the repair process will take. The owner thinks it will take at least 6 weeks. Coming from someone who just had their car in the shop for about 6 weeks, this is not going to be a fun experience. If anyone in the area knows of a short-term lease that will accommodate a family of 5, please get in touch.
 
Here's that PayPal button one more time for all you ugly-itchy-sweater-recipients:

 

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Filed under  //   donate   fire   help   holidays  
Posted December 29, 2008
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Help Your Neighbor This Holiday Season

   

Jenny and I came home from some last-minute shopping today to see fire trucks on our street. At first we thought the worst - that our house caught fire while we were gone. Turns out it was our neighbors' home. Because we have both been so busy with school and work, there are a few neighbors that we have not ever met. Today we met the Jessen Family for the first time. Gary, Nicole, and their children are officially without a home on the day before Christmas. Something happened with their Christmas tree that sent it instantly into flames.The house was engulfed in flames and smoke within a few minutes.

Luckily everyone made it out without any injuries. Another family on our street is having them over for Christmas dinner. They are still waiting to find out how long the repairs will last. They're renting the home, and luckily they have renter's insurance. Their insurance is putting them up in a hotel tonight, but we're sure that life is going to be difficult for them in the coming weeks.

They have three teenage children - two boys and a girl. Nicole is trained as a CNA, and recently was laid off. She told us that her employer let her go because she missed too much work. She was missing work to be with her husband, Gary, in the hospital. Talk about a depressing situation.

I've set up a donation site for the Jessen's through PayPal. If you can find it in your heart to donate anything, it will be much appreciated this holiday season. Click the Donate button below to be taken to the site.

If you live in the Queen Creek, AZ area and would like to drop off any donations, please email me at alan.bradford@asu.edu and I will arrange a time and place to meet. If you know of anywhere that is looking to hire someone with CNA training and a medical field background, leave a comment below and I can put you in touch with Nicole.

Thank-you to everyone. Please forward this along to friends and family that would be willing to help.

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Filed under  //   fire   help   holidays   neighbor   tragic  
Posted December 24, 2008
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Arizona Man Diagnosed With Anxiety Disorder After Visit to Walmart

I just got home from a last-minute shopping trip. To Walmart. Actually, I went to two different Walmart stores because the first one didn't have what I was looking for. They were both completely out of control. (To clarify, I wasn't looking for control at Walmart; this is merely a description of the atmosphere.)

I cannot believe how busy these places were with only three days left before the biggest gift-exchange-related pagan holiday of the year. C'mon people! Didn't you get it out of your systems on Black Friday. Or Cyber Monday. Or Buyers'-Remorse Tuesday? Or Return-it-for-a-larger-size Wednesday?

I feel really bad for this Walmart employee. Trampled to Death. Yes - to death. Like when pirates and vikings ruled the earth. Did anyone else see this on the news a few weeks ago? Ridiculous, people.

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Filed under  //   holiday   shopping   stress   walmart  
Posted December 22, 2008
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My Brother Has Some Serious Dance Moves

Just in time for the holidays, my brother has made the following video available to the world. Talk about spreading some cheer during these dark and foreboding winter months. If you don't laugh, then I'll buy you a gallon of egg nog. Just send me your address so I know where to ship it. Enjoy:

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Filed under  //   creepy   dance   holidays  
Posted December 20, 2008
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Unemployed Blogger Seeks Shoulder To Post On

I won't copy and paste the entire post here, but I wanted to share my latest "farewell" address at my other blog, Geek Stew. I was hired last year by their technology office to blog about, well, geeky stuff from a student perspective. Here is a taste of what you'll find if you go read the whole thing:

In October, ASU President Dr. Michael Crow published a video informing students and faculty regarding of the economic situation of the school. I uploaded the video to my Geek Stew YouTube account, but never got around to talking about it here on the blog. If you’ve got seven minutes and ten seconds, along with an interest in what Dr. Crow had to say, the video is embedded at the end of this post. (Or you can go watch it now.) Some recent communication from the folks who hired me last year to start this blog reminded of Dr. Crow’s video.

It is with a frowny-faced emoticon that I share the following news. After 13 months, 98 posts, 20 subscribers, 163 comments, 5,665 unique visitors from 90 different countries/territories, and 10,336 page views, I have officially been “downsized” from the payroll of Arizona State University. In an email that was supposed to be delivered to me on December 3rd, the following sadness was shared:

Keep reading on my (soon stagnant) blog...

Since I'm done with classes for the semester, I guess I'll just go cry into my big pillow. Let me know if you would like me to author a stellar guest post on your blog. I will only charge a nominal fee. Perhaps a t-shirt, or a gifted album of sad songs on iTunes. I don't require much.

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Filed under  //   ASU   blogging   economy  
Posted December 17, 2008
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Feeling a Bit Out of Control

Do you ever have the feeling that the world is closing in on you? Like in that scene from Star Wars where all the heroes are trapped in the garbage compactor and the spiny walls are coming at them and they don't know how to stop it, and there's something swimming through the garbage through their legs, and people are shouting, and this sentence keeps getting longer, and they don't know if they will survive? Whew...my fingers almost ran out of breath. It's a good thing I ended that sentence.

I'm kind of feeling like that right now. Every semester of school seems to be getting a little bit harder. More information to process, more connections to make, more of everything. I know I shouldn't stress. Everything always works out in the end. But I still do.

One thing that helps me is to write this stuff out. There's something that happens in my head when I can spill it all out into words. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's like throwing all my troubles into a trash compactor.

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Filed under  //   star wars   stress  
Posted November 1, 2008
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Woo Hoo...and The Features Keep On Rolling In

I got an email today from the Posterous support team letting me know that I can now publish a post from my cell phone. For those of you out there without an expensive data plan on their cell phone, this is a great way to post a short little message to your Posterous blog.

I had previously requested this feature, so I was excited to see it get put into place today.

Just click on the "manage my email and phone" button from your admin page and you can add your phone. As of right now, it looks like your message shows up as the title to a blog post, and there's a limit to 110 characters.

Great job Mr. Posterous Dudes.

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Posted July 20, 2008
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hello Posterous. This is my second attempt at blogging from my phone. Let's see if it works...

Posted from my mobile phone (SMS)

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Posted July 20, 2008
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