Later, hosen!
via tweetie
alan.bradford |
super sweet moves |
It's settled. Now I know where I want to go for summer vacation.
I have the same laptop. I've had it for about 5 years, and it's still working great. I would like to give this a try some day before it kicks the bucket. Sure beats the pants off any of those digital picture frames.
I'm not sure if I should be offended or concerned. Everyone reading this is encouraged to help me out by leaving a comment below.
My mother-in-law, bless her red-headed soul, loves to pass along information via electronic mail. Over the years, I have been notified of freeway closures, community events, and cancer-causing food products. I have also chuckled at pictures of redneck weddings, scoffed at questionnaires that predict my "real age," and belly-laughed at videos involving family pictures and dancing elves.
Yesterday she sent me a link to a health-related story. The headline reads:
Night Sweats in Middle-Aged Man: His cheesy-smelling sweat (link)
Granted, I am not middle-aged. But I have been known to sweat. And I have also been known to fancy myself a string cheese snack. I also consumed two cheese crisps before retiring to my bed last night.
In rapid-fire retaliation, I blasted off a response to her link:
I don't know why you would have sent this to me. My night sweats smell of lavender and honeycomb. My day sweats smell of jasmine and cherry blossom.
It felt good to stand up for my pristine odor. But now I'm having second thoughts.
Maybe there's a reason nobody sits next to me in biology class.
Help.
Writing a research paper? You gotta get this program. There's a desktop version (PC, Mac, Linux) which will sync with a web-based version, so you always have access to your research articles.
Still not convinced? Go take a tour, or take a look at some screen shots from my setup.
No, I'm not talking about saving the environment, or saving the princess. I'm talking about skin tone. After going out to eat on Saturday night, my brother and his wife took us to the zoo Howie's Game Shack.
If you're into this sort of thing, then more power to you. If you're into actually socializing and perhaps adding some physical activity to your life, then stay away. The ominous green lighting turned us all into the incredible hulk for a few minutes.
This place had everything any gamer could ever want: comfortable chairs, a variety of vending machines*, air conditioning, the support of fellow gamers. Also, as an added bonus, it was packed, wall-to-wall with attractive ladies who were eager to start a long-term relationship with someone who just purchased a $15 all-day pass to play video games.
That's what you call a win-win-high-score situation.
*The vending machine was filled with a cornucopia of high-fat deliciousness, but featured a backdrop image of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
There are few phrases on television that have true "staying power." One of these is a powerful concoction of nine words, uttered from beneath the mustache of Dr. Phil during the opening credits of every episode. This phrase has inspired us. We're trying an experiment in our home for the next few weeks. When the alarm clock sounds, my wife and I will arise and utter this powerful, self-affirming statement:
I have an unusually high excitement for my my life and the lives of those around me. Watch out world.
We crafted this motto on the back of a greasy McDonald's receipt today at lunch. If the quote is not enough to get the blood pumping, we will do some push ups and drink a pint of battery acid.
No matter how many people complain about Walmart, the parking lot is always packed when I go there. I always seem to wait in line at the checkout. Their stores are popping up everywhere. So instead of complaining, I'd like to propose a social experiment.
My wife and I are a big fan of people watching. Not creepy people watching behind bushes aided by binoculars. It's entertaining to simply be aware of the diversity of humans that we encounter. A prime location for interesting specimens seems to be Walmart. Inspired by a recent tweet of mine that described someone I saw walking into Walmart as I was walking out, I would like to see other people get involved. Here is my proposal:
So there you have it. My three-pronged approach to adding a little humor to the world. Stop being so depressed about the stock market, and start letting us know about the freak shows that you've spotted at Walmart.
Amazing physical stamina. Perfectly spaced-apart teeth. The voracity of a elderly nursing home resident on Free Pudding Cup Day. Killer dance moves. Insatiable appetite for egg nog. Succinct. Potent. Good for you. High in fiber. Low in trans fats. The party portion of a mullet. Keen sense of hearing. Lousy sense of smell. Simultaneously timeless and punctual. Your new best friend from way back when.
